The thing that I always consider as my nightmare has finally come true.
Just check out my GPA. Three subjects had already shown up their results,and here are what I got:
Chinese language II C-
China on Ming and Qing Dinasty Era B+
Yes. It was as clear as this morning's sky,huh?
I DID NOT PASS CHINESE II
it is the nightmare of every Chinese student, for it is the one that delays your graduation and the one that stops you from getting all the subjects you want. It's just pathetic! Gross! Unbelieveable!
Actually I was optimistic by the beginning of the semester. For I was able to pass all my subjects in the first semster, which is hard, and I already figured out some methods of studying -but it turned out that the result was far from expected anyway. It feels like, even though on the inside I began to feel OK about my studying -I began to find what I like about it and had a good spirit about it, and I began to know how to study in this major- what appears on the outside is just the same.
Yet there was some happy news though. I passed History with an increasing grade, which is nice. And I got the highest score possible for English -yet I do not feel proud or too happy about it. In fact, it's kinda shameful. On a more general level or if I were an English student, it would be fine, but hey, I'M A CHINESE STUDENT. What's the point in having perfect English grade while I don't even pass Chinese II, which is supposedly my main priority? It strengthens the image that I supposedly go to a different major, while it is the image that I actually wish to abolish, FOR I CONSENTUALLY DECIDE TO BE IN THIS PLACE AND THEREFORE I CHOOSE TO STICK HERE.
Phew. Oh well.
I might sound negative for a while, but well... I need to get it off my chest.
If I wish to become negative, there are thousands of easy ways to do so. But I have decided that there's always a brighter side of everything.
I mean, I began getting this thought some time ago. When you have to repeat a certain subject, yes it is indeed shameful and painful and many other sad adjectives you could find. but try to see this way, WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER TO REPEAT BUT THEN IN THE END YOU COULD DEEPLY UNDERSTAND THE SUBJECT, RATHER THAN TO PASS AND GRADUATE IN TIME BUT YOUR UNDERSTANDING IS JUST AVERAGE?? I know that I currently failed this subjects. But by the time I repeat it I am sure that I would have a better and deeper understanding, and I could hopefully pass with a better grade. For once we know our mistakes, then we would know how to fix it.
Painful as it does, but I have to admit that I am the kind of person who needs to fell hard in order to understand the taste of pain. Not nice. Once it happens, I am going to bleed like hell. But after that, I am not going to let myself fail again. This is nice.
And I remember back when I was in junior high, in 7th grade I was ranked the 23rd out of 30 students. And when I moved to 9th grade, I was ranked 3rd out of 30 students.
Development does happen.Been there done that.