Wonderland in Alice

a tough competition

2010-01-03T12:04:00.002+07:00

Yay!

Just checked out some other girls New Year's Eve pics and was proud and relieved to found that I have indeed a way sexier and better body than theirs.

:p

a tough competition

brown singlet top

2010-01-03T11:48:00.003+07:00

If only people found out what I have done with my mom's brown singlet top, they will surely dropped their jaw to the floor and eventually throw my body with stones.

I am simply a liberated women with the face of an eternal teenager and the attitude of a brainiac, and I do not think anyone would ever suspecting of being there.

I don't think I am a sinner. I am just liberating what is inside me, and if the world has a problem with it, then it is theirs to keep.

Meanwhile, I enjoy the situations of our relationship today.

a thank you list

2009-11-29T20:28:00.000+07:00

I feel most grateful for...

The chances to learn, to understand, and to know things, evem better than some of my peers at times

The opportunity to meet some of greatest personality ever, like Tiza or Herwi, and being able to learn something from them

To be happy in my own skin

To have a six-year-old cat (it's rare!)

To be sexy (ask Bing-chan :p). And not afraid of being sexually outspoken.

To looked great in my recent pics

To have lotsa great fun with my friends. A colorful social life has never been my best traits, but it's been great in the last couple of months.

To live a hard-knock life

To be born as their daughter. No matter how hard it is. Love you, mom and dad.

To be trilingual

To have been a debater (but some says once a debater will always be a debater)

To be technologically and fashionably advance

To be brave, outspoken, and creative

To be blessed with the ability to write

To be analitical and logical beyond my peers

To adore 90s music

To get discount and access :D

To be able to get into top schools like Labschool High and UI

To score an internship in Metro TV

To be relatively independent

To be healthy

To be pretty

To be an Indonesian (a status which can save your life at certain amount of times. Believe me)

To be present and alive

cheating

2009-11-24T19:18:00.000+07:00

Is she doing it again?

I have decided that I don't know, and don't wanna know. I am not going to be fuzzy with it, as long as she can keep it away from me. For I am done with her love life. Period.

I do wonder, though. Why does it so hard for her to deal with her loneliness herself? I mean, seriously, I don't get it. I don't have any trouble being alone and partner-less. But then again maybe that is my autistic side doing the talking, and it just doesn't work for people like her.

Someone once asked me whether I still need to have a father figure in my life or not. My answer was no. Though I could imagine my subconscious banging the trapdoor to my awaking mind, yelling rebuttals at my statement, I still firmly believe that I don't need it anymore.

The reason is pretty simple. When you lost something in your life, you're going to spend your life struggling to find it. You're going to search frantically for it, and once you found it, you're going to hang on to it pathetically, and got weakened by this certain object as time goes by.

And the bad guys could possibly use it to their advantage. I don't need to explain any further, but she is a clear example on how you shouldn't show anyone that you got this hole in your soul, unless you want them to use it as a bait.

Therefore, thou shall not show the world that you got a hole in your soul. In fact, it would be even better if you don't have any at all.

That is why I decided to stand proudly and yell, "I don't need a father figure!", for I had to indoctrinate my conscience (at least) to be free of holes and wants. So that nobody will take advantage of me. So that I'm not going to spend my life craving for something I don't have. So that I would be free of being clingy.

And it's just sad to see her being holed up like that

phobia

2009-11-24T17:43:00.000+07:00

My best friend/ex-boyfriend/fuck buddy(!)/debating partner has a very serious problem with showing some skin.

No, he does not have problems with girls baring their skin, ala Haram-police. He loves it. He has problem with himself, baring his delicious golden brown skin. Even as he swims. Yes, he wears T-shirt when he swims. Estupido bambino :p

I actually began to wonder if he actually wears clothes during sex, but apparently not :D

chemist

2009-11-24T16:32:00.000+07:00

It's always been really dry in here, amidst the rain. I like it.

I would walked in slowly, trying to catch a glimpse of the store's owner, for I would not sit in somebody else's store and not buy a thing without any permission. Then I would found him/her (sometimes it was this fat mid-aged lady who looked like a guy. Sometimes it was this crinkly old man) hidden behind the counter, watching crappy Indosiar show, and pretending not to listen when I asked for permission to sit. Without buying a thing. Fine then.

Then I would think about buying something -a bottle of mouthwash will do, but then again, they don't care so why bother? I have spent on pennies on nothings. So leave it alone.

I would later consider to call Ina to make sure about her birthday party tomorrow, but let's just give her a few more minutes to reply my texts.

Oh well, maybe I should stop my writing at this point, and continue to ponder about my shapes and colors, what state my mind should be, how my mind's condition should be.

Such is for a rainy afternoon.

Wait, was that a blink?

strict

2009-11-15T20:03:00.003+07:00

Was I being over-exaggerating when I thought my sister spends too much time in front of TV?

She woke with Disney Channel in front of her, spend time with Nickelodeon after school, watch re-runs of Disney Channel shows on youtube, another Disney Channel after dinner, and finally, as the cherry on top, another Disney as she goes to bed.

Homeworks are far and few between.

Yet the look in my mom's face was very understanding everytime she pulled out a cute baby face whenever anyone tried to warn her to stop watching TV.

Such is the curse of the youngest child.

I think I pulled my question back.

I always know that I am fated to be the strictest person in our house when it comes to my youngest sister. And I'm not afraid of being misunderstood, being hated, or even being considered over-exaggerating.

Help!

2009-11-10T09:41:00.000+07:00

Please.

Anyone?

as i drift into sleep

2009-10-29T21:58:00.000+07:00

Will you be there in my dreams?

Does your pillow feel comfy enough for you?

Do you want me to be by your side, to get woken up to?

Have you ever think of what we've done, and how good we looked at the moment?

Do you still think of me in your sleep?

-for H.A.

Menunggu Kereta

2009-10-29T21:55:00.000+07:00

Menur: lo turun dimana Koh?

Willy: di Kota

Menur: oh... Iya, lo Cina sih ya...

Willy: iya... Kan aneh kalo gw turun di Manggarai

hoodie

2009-10-24T09:54:00.003+07:00

When I was 12 or 13, I could never leave home without my hoodie. Wearing a hooded jacket was such a huge trend during those early 2000 days, but I had my own personal reason for being unable to part with it.

I fear that whenever I go out I might accidentally meet my father. And when I do, i just had to hide my face and run as far as I can. And I was not being paranoid. It did happen once or twice.

Don't ask me how I hate living in fear, especially if it was of your very own parents. I hate it, so so much. More than any KoRn's hit songs could ever describe.

But, shoot, years go by and when I thought I could finally live my life free of fear and anger, this person showed up in my life.

Never before I became so enraged at his selfish, sadistic, stupid, out of date ways of living and thinking. Knowing how he always backstabbed me and how he once hit my mother and my sister, and is always so cruel with the pets, geez, I think it is just natural if I began to think that if I spend too many times being home alone with him, I might end up as one of those dead bodies flowing at Kalimalang.

Call it being paranoid. But if you never had what I had before, if you never got to life with Fear, then shut up. I do not need your clueless comments.

a dream revisited

2009-10-10T12:03:00.000+07:00

Last night I had this amazing, adventurous dream.

Started from a trip to a snowy mountain, where there are villas n hotels, and we were there for a group holiday.

Then there were some political issues, someone got into trouble, et cetera.

Amidst the problem, I managed to score some free time n I escaped to the mountain slopes, to see rows and rowes of Chinese cemetery...

And watched this Gollum-like creature jumped from places to places.

It was scary, fun, and whatever, and I had no intention to make an in-depth Freudian analysis on it.

I just want to develop it into a detective story

a hopeless lover

2009-10-10T12:00:00.000+07:00

A nice, cold midnight shower.

Crisp, hotel room-like bedsheets.

The mind that would never stop thinking of you.

And the calls that are never returned.

a secret

2009-10-01T16:49:00.000+07:00

My beloved one just shared me one of his deepest, darkest secret. Something that would possibly make people turned away from him, as it has something to do with... A certain form of a sexual fetish.

I'm shocked, to be certain, though I have seen it coming. Yet as strange as it seems, I don't think I hate him for it. Or even scared of him. In fact, I think I can accept him just the way he is, with all his eccentricity and differences. And perhaps, that's why I love him at the first place

Job Desc

2009-09-12T21:03:00.004+07:00

(Okay, I know that it's been a while since I last posted anything in this blog, let alone anything to do with my Intern days. So sorry. School has started, and reality has stepped in)

So, what are my job descriptions as an intern in the PR&Pub Dep in Metro TV? Eager interns, read carefully ^^

1. Answering calls
My job is called the Audience Service (check out any sunday edition of Media Indonesia, and you'll find a number that directly links you to the AS desk. My desk), and it is my duty to answer complains, questions, requests ("Can I have the number of Mario Teguh's contact person? How can I get into the studio? Did you guys change your schedule? 'cuz Metro Sports supposed to be on already"). Believe me that this is not an easy job, as not everyone in this world is smart. Or even sane.

2. Doing surveys
Whenever someone called, I am obliged to ask for their numbers so that I can call them back and ask for a minute in their life to do, errr, a little survey ("How old are you, Ma'am? Do you watch our programs? What's your favorite? How about the news program?"). It's not really my favorite part, honestly, especially when I had to ask for their salary and age (some are just too happy to share, though!).

3. Making clippings of any Metro or even Surya Paloh's related news

4. Delivering memos and letters
Which led to the Devil incident in previous post.

5. Copying document
Any eager-interns should learn how to operate a copier machine, trust me.

6. Writing letters, esp. regret letters
Kinda fun. Made me feel powerful.

7. Writing press releases
Mine was once released in a sunday edition of Media Indo. Yay!

8. Assisting my supervisor taking visitors for a tour at our facilities
Mostly sweet, naive high school kids with their salty, naive teachers.

9. Tearing up old documents
Errrr yes.

10. Writing reports
Of course.

11. Ushering at their off-air events
The best thing.

12. Contacting other companies for infos
Like their current address and the name of their director, for example.

13. Sending out invitations, internal and external.

So, those were the things that I had to do. Some are totally easy while others requires you to work your ass off. But nothing is really that hard, though. The worst thing about it is that they often came altogether, at the same (please, let me breath!).

a matter of strength

2009-08-29T12:00:00.003+07:00

An ex-boyfriend of mine (the one who lives in paradise island) always insisted on how we should always get back together.

We would start a nice, daily convo which often ended up with him saying things like, "Are you ever going to surrender yourself to me?" or any other mushy things that has nothing to do with our topics.

Which often led me to be pissed-off and ended up being cold on him, and he's going to spend the next months not talking to me, claiming me to be harsh on him, and even telling my mom about it (thank you very much. What a loser, ngadu2 segala!).

To have an ex who still longs for you is sucks enough. Espcially if this person has a habit of talking about you behind your back to your parents. Especially if he could not understand that you don't want to get back to him, period.

What annoys me most is how he keeps on thinking that he was the right one for me (and vice versa) while he cant even handle me.

Yes, he can't handle me. Cuz he found that my way of talking to him (and saying no to him) as 'harsh', and he whines because of it. But he still thinks that he wants to be with me.

Dude, do you want to spend your life whining because of a woman?

You're not strong enough for me. You can't match my strength. You don't know how to live a tough life like I do.

Stop thinking that you're the right one for me, 'cuz you're not.

And please, stop whining. You're not a baby.

Kura-kura

2009-08-26T21:26:00.000+07:00

Belakangan ini, saya menjadi semakin mirip kura-kura.

Begitu ada sesuatu yang menyakitkan saya, saya akan langsung berlari ke kamar saya. Meringkuk di sudut. Menutupi muka dengan bantal (diam-diam) berharap hendak membekap nafas sendiri.

Bersembunyi, seperti kura-kura.

Saya juga mirip kura-kura karena tubuh saya begitu lunak, begitu sensitif. Begitu mudah sakit.

Satu hal menghantam saya dan saya akan langsung berlari ke kamar, meringkuk dan bersembunyi.

Seperti kura-kura yang hanya keras di tempurungnya saja, mungkin saya hanya kuat di permukaan saja.

Dan entah kapan akan ada yang bertanya mengapa sejak kecil saya begitu sering bersembunyi di kamar, dan sadar bahwa jawaban yang saya berikan bukanlah jawaban yang sesungguhnya.

of broken homes and shattered glasses

2009-08-24T22:46:00.000+07:00

I sympathized Marshanda, Kurt Cobain, and all those with a broken home family as a background.

I know how shitty it feels to have people (from the media to our own parents) talk, while they have not even a single piece of clue of what is going on and most importantly, how you feel.

They can only talk the talk, took some words from the bible and said it as if God himself has said it to them.

And they still able to say the magic words, "are you mad at us?"

They gotta be kidding. Sure we do. And don't blame us for it. We have every reason to justify it, more than you can poke a glowstick at.

It still amazes me how the background could affect us so much, though.

bersyukur

2009-08-21T23:40:00.000+07:00

Ini bukan sebuah postingan yg terlalu religius, yg diakhiri dgn ucapan selamat puasa atau semacamnya.

Sering saya bertanya, mengapa dalam usia yg begitu muda saya telah mengalami hal2 yg bagi banyak orang mungkin hanya terjadi di film (orangtuanya saya bercerai di usia 5 tahun. Setahun kemudian ayah saya mulai 'kemasukan setan', mengancam akan membunuh nenek saya, dan mendekam di Salemba pada usia 12. Belum lg kejadian dgn ibu saya baru2 ini).

Dan belakangan ini, mungkin saya telah menemukan jawabannya.

Saya dihajar habis2an oleh nasib pada awal hidup saya sebagai bentuk konsekuensi atas sebuah permintaan yg selalu saya ucapkan dalam tiap doa2 saya, baik sadar maupun tidak. Bahwa impian terliar saya adalah memiliki dunia dgn kecerdasan dan kekuatan diri yg saya miliki, dan tampil ke depan dgn segala yg istimewa dlm diri saya.

Dan pencapaian seperti itu membutuhkan kerja keras. Mental baja. Sama sekali bukan untuk yg klemer2.

Dan Tuhan sepertinya berminat untuk mengabulkan permintaan saya. Oleh karena itu, Ia mempersiapkan saya. Ia menempa saya. Ia melatih saya.

Agar saya cukup kuat dan layak untuk memegang mimpi2 saya sendiri.

Sungguh, saat ini tidak ada rasa sesal pada masa lalu. Hanya ada rasa percaya pada masa depan.

Sebuah pemikiran yg menyenangkan di awal bulan suci.

Mungkin sedikit ucapan selamat akan membantu.

The Devil

2009-08-17T20:14:00.000+07:00

Every office needs a good dose of biatch. The one who deserves the title as our own Devil in Prada.

I met mine on the second day of my internship. Boss was out for a meeting, and there were cardboard cups of Starbucks on her desk. So I was left alone behind my computer, busying myself with reporting how many viewers asked for Mario Teguh's personal cellphone number (no you can't have it!).

Suddenly the biatch came in. She was with a pal, a fat guy with clean, cruel look, and they were talking abt what seemed to be ummm 'something political'. Then, without a warning, she sat on my boss' desk, n started to sniff the coffee n devour on caffeine heaven.

What should I do now?

If the coffee was meant to be hers, then there's no problem. But what if it didn't? Would letting a fellow co-worker finishing my boss' coffee be bad for my internship report?

It took me so long to think that she ended up walking out of the room (with or without the coffee? I can't recall), n I was left totally dumbstrucked.

The next day, I was sent to drop a memo for the manager of P department (P stands for anything in a TV station. So I'm not going to step on a toe here),n was reminded that it should be given to the secretary, not to the said person.

I realized right away that I made a HUGE mistake when I accidentaly walked into the manager's room, instead of the staffs'. And found that coffee-stealing biatch sitting there, glued to her computer.

I waited for her to turned her head into my direction, but I know right away that I've let my IQ dropped a few points by doing it.

"Umm... Excuse me, Ma'am..."

"What!?" (She still glued to her computer screen)

"I-i want to deliver a letter..."

"Just gave it to my secretary!"

Again, without looking away from the screen. I tried to escape when I can, while couldn't help noticing that she had a Modern Chinese Dictionary on her desk, had a colorful, artsy painting on her wall (which was different than others'), and had a room that felt very... Singapore. Very nerdy, otaku-like, with a tinge of quirkiness.

I found myself trying to walk faster everytime the biatch showed up in the corridor (funny, I also realized that my supervisor wasn't so happy to see her in the studio one time. Wonder why). Yet, at the same time, I also began to think that I like the way she dress.

This could be bad. Cuz me liking the way a person dresses means somehow, I began to like that person.

Until finally, at Big Boss' birthday bash, I noticed that the biatch (who was shaking hands with him with a very fake smile) had streaks of pink strands on her long hair.

I gasped. That exactly how I painted my hair back then in junior high! Besides, its also... Oh, that's how Satsuki looks like. My Satsuki!

It finally dawned on me how very obvious the similarities are. The long black hair with pink streaks, the glasses, the 'to hell with it' attitude. The Singaporean/Japanese feel on her, with her colorful quirky sense of art.

She was just like my Satsuki.

And I'm left totally confused about whether I should hate her or love her for it.

Today, I'm still clueless wheter the coffee was hers or not. But sometimes I wish I could see her, the biatch, once again. Now that I don't have to deliver memos to her department anymore, she felt kinda interesting.

PS. Satsuki is a fictious character that I created in high school. I'll introduce you to her some other time

Of Frusciante-sama and His Plaid Shirt

2009-08-15T16:00:00.006+07:00

I'm crazy about plaid shirts. It's definitely the best invention after high heels. I've been wearing them since junior high, and, oh... Imagine the look in my face when I found these golden pieces of John Frusciante in a plaid shirt.

He's just amazing. I was such a huge fan of him when I was in junior high (and still got the traces of it today).

Honestly, even though Red Hot Chili Peppers produced some of the best songs in history, and his solo works were also really amazing, my reasons to fancy him were very... girly.

I do think he's cute. Really. In his own unique, grungy way.

He was like, so... charismatic. Love the way he sits lazily on many of RHCP's interviews. Love it when he tied his long hair. Love how his eyes gaze under those messy strands of hair. Love the fact that he loves detective stories n math puzzles. Love the way he lifted up his hands and practiced those Yoga moves when playing guitar. Love it when he sings Bee Gees' cover. Love the way he hug and kiss that little boy. Love the way he wears his plaid shirt. And oh, those green trench coat. He looks amazing in green.

I also managed to check out his blog and found that, after all these years, his views in life had became very positive. Especially on the points of "trying and giving up", and that little poetry that he wrote. It's also relieving to found out about his stance on drug abuse and his interests in raw food, spiritualism, and his abstinence from sex.

I'm very proud to found out how he was such a prodigy when he was young (mastering Jimi Hendrix's songs when one was 11? Crazy!), and how he was so serious in music that his parents would willingly supported him to drop out of school to pursue a musical career. How Flea claimed him as a self-disciplined person. Smart talented guys who knows what he wants is hot! Smokin' hot!

Most of all, I love him when he sits comfortably in his Hollywood Hills home and enjoys his music.

Tanpa mengurangi rasa hormat pada nenek moyang...

2009-08-15T10:52:00.003+07:00

... saya mulai berpikir bahwa apa yang akan hilang, mungkin memang seharusnya hilang.

Seperti penduduk Roma, Italia yang terjebak diantara debat pembangunan infrastruktur lawan pelestarian bekas toiletnya Julius Caesar. Seperti pensiunan yang menyadari bahwa saat ini sudah tidak ada lagi yang bekerja dari jam 9 sampai 5, dan bahwa lembur seringkali sudah tidak disebut lembur lagi (dan lebih penting lagi, secara finansial, tidak gihitung sbagai lembur). Seperti diri saya sendiri yang marah menyadari adiknya tidak perlu keluar rumah untuk mengantar kepergian penghuni rumah lainnya ke kantor, atau hilangnya larangan untuk memegang kepala orang yang lebih tua.

Saya yang secara progresif mempertanyakan nilai-nilai tradisional yang dianut orangtua saya dan berusaha mereformasinya dengan justifikasi "perbaikan kualitas kehidupan" pun mungkin suatu saat harus jatuh dalam perdebatan yang sama dengan anak-cucu. Dan argumentasi mereka akan lebih valid dengan poin yang, ironisnya, sama dengan yang saya ungkapkan sekarang.

Dan saya pun sambil meringis akan mengutuk dan mengakui dengan kebesaran hati yang menyedihkan bahwa saya pun akan tergerus waktu.

Seperti bangunan candi tua yang mau tak mau, suka tak suka, akan lapuk dimakan alam.

What Do I Got by Interning in That Place?

2009-08-08T15:39:00.003+07:00

I considered myself lucky by being able to got an internship at one of the best TV station in my country.

Because I considered it as some kind of an achievement: for months I used to worry about my resume, not being sure whether they are attractive enough for future employers to see. But getting this opportunity really showed me that there are indeed some qualities in me that would get Mrs. Henny to read my resume and be interested in (alhamdulillah. I know I don't say this very often).

Another reason to feel lucky is because I had to chance to get so many new, interesting things:

1. New relations
The ladies I've worked with in the department are really nice. Hoping to keep in touch with them. And, oh, I got to meet the Big Boss himself!

2. Work experience
Obvious enough

3. To be able to discover myself
Now I know what I really like (definitely not spending too much time behind desk) and what I could possibly be good at (never thought that I do have some patience! Really!)

4. Becoming that behind-the-scene person
On July 17th, when the bombs exploded, I was in my office. And got to see all the comings and goings. It felt somewhat enjoyable. Journalism is cool, really. Though only when something happened.

5. Meeting the number 1 man in the country
As speechless as anyone can be (he's like, so white in person. And his voice is so musical)

6. Simply being confident about yourself
In the midst of my roller coaster of confidence, to be able to put myself into good use and get so many good things out of it, is definitely a confidence boost.

I guess this is why many college students are so addicted to internships. They're just so... interesting. They are the only thing who can match the excitement that debating gave me. Really.

Reflections on My Internship Days

2009-08-08T15:13:00.004+07:00

Okay, I know it's a bit too late.

But I was lying around in my room thinking about how to make use of my unbelievably free spare time, and this just came into my mind. Drew had bug me for it, and I believe that I might as well do it.

So, in my upcoming posts, I'm going to write down about things that happened during my days of internship in Metro TV, and everything related to it. Some have already been written before, but there are plenty of things left in the closet.

Enjoy.

PS. People, if you want me to tell you the name and address of Metro TV's HR manager... well... make sure you're worth it ;P

a rather peculiar need

2009-08-02T19:48:00.001+07:00

I'm in need of compliments. Sincere ones. Of anything.

I need to have anyone telling me that I'm smart. Pretty. Nice. Anything. Just tell me that for once in my life I do things right, that my judgment is correct, n my decisions are somewhat satisfactory.

I always got this certain insecurity of not being good enough. Of being unable to compete with others. Of failing to fulfill the expectations given to me by others. Of not doing the right things. Of being average. Of not being precious enough to get noticed and complimented.

I wanted him, you, anyone.

Please.

A sincere, simple one would be enough.

Infotainment Shows (during office hour)

2009-07-14T16:32:00.005+07:00

One thing that I dislike about doing an internship in a news broadcasting channel is the fact that I have to continously watch the channel (which consists of 75% news) as part of my job description.

Imagine. Watching news from morning 'til evening, every single working day.

So I guess it's normal for anyone (esp. those as young and energetic as I am *cough) to get really sick of news and starting to demand for something else. But considering my status as an intern, I didn't have the courage to actually ask my co-workers' consent to change it into... er... something fun. Like those overly dramatic reality shows or even those sinful, stupid infotainment shows.

Until one of them actually said, "Let's just turn those news off and watch gossips instead!"

I happily got up from my chair, surf through channels to find any gossip shows, and indulge in guilty pleasures as we watched them excitingly, forgetting all works (it's done, I swear).

Until suddenly all the lights went out with a bang, and the TV said bye-bye in the most uncivilized manner.

Electricity blackouts is the fairest punishment there is for those who laze around during office hour.

Dead Curious!

2009-07-13T08:19:00.004+07:00

I've always been curious...

Why do they called it "Scotland Yard"?

It's a funny name for a government institution, let alone a law enforcement institution. After moments (years!) of wondering around with no one answer, I've come to realize that Google is only a click away.

this is what Wikipedia has to say:

The name was actually belong to the building where their headquarter is. And the building used to be located in a place called "The Great Scotland Yard", where they signed the agreement to unite England and Scotland under one kingdom.

Oh... that simple.

Anyway, I've gotten so curious that I decided to actually Googled it, 'cuz I've been reading Agatha Christie's works for the 8976th times.

Should I Take These Risks?

2009-07-13T07:19:00.003+07:00

One says that in order to achieve happiness, you should dare yourself to take whatever risks it may cause.

In this case, it means to risk losing your dearest friend and replacing him with... that certain kind of relationship.

Am still too affraid of all the risks.

But this sudden realization (no, not sudden, actually. It's been there since a long time ago. Just never got to realize them or strong enough to admit it, even in my own head)...

My, such impact a person could have.

Eeewww

2009-07-13T06:43:00.001+07:00

Copycat!

Am totally disgusted by actress Marshanda's new look. She tried to copy Hamasaki Ayumi's look -the hair, the make-up, the nail-art, the dress, even the poise and the way she moves.

Does she realized that it made her looked like a drag queen instead?

(I wouldn't even want to post her pic here. It's a disturbing sight)

No matter how strong she believed herself to be...

2009-07-07T08:23:00.001+07:00

...she could not never deny the fact that it is so damn painful to be attacked from every direction.

It's crazy enough to have a fight with your best friend. Let alone to get backstabbed by your stepfather (Thank you. Now it's clear what kind of filth you are) and scolded by your classmates for something you are clueless about.

Duh. Am too tired to get mad.

Cumi Raksasa

2009-07-01T07:50:00.002+07:00

Seperti yang gue tulis di status gue di Facebook, gue percaya kalo cumi raksasa itu emang beneran ada.

Selama ini kita sering denger legenda tentang cumi-cumi (ato gurita) raksasa segede rumah*, nyerang kapal-kapal dan memakan seluruh isinya.

Gara-gara waktu dulu liburan di Sydney, gue pernah main ke museum natural history di sana, dan disana ada bangkai cumi-cumi yang diawetin. Panjang badannya aja uda semeter lebih, belum termasuk tentakel. Dan entah kapan, gue pernah liat di Yahoo! News kalo ga salah, di sekitar Aussie juga, ada nelayan yang nangkep cumi-cumi yang kalo direntangin panjangnya menuhin dek kapalnya.

Jadi, karena mereka emang bisa sebesar itu, gue rasa wajar aja kalo emang ada yang lebih besar lagi.

This is why we should always encourage science explorations.

*Q: Rumah siapa?
A: Hm. Anggep aja rumahnya Inul yang di Pondok Indah

My Favorite Things

2009-06-27T07:30:00.005+07:00

*singing along to The Sound of Music*

Whenever I'm feeling sad, I just think of my favorite things, so I wouldn't feel so sad.

And here are two of my very favorite things

Kurt Cobain and a kitten.

:D

speechless.

2009-06-26T10:25:00.003+07:00

Everyone was waiting neatly, with their cameras in hand and a microphone for the anchor. Their uniforms or ID clearly told me where do they come from (as in, what company), and I, being responsible to help usher them and take care of them, so that everything goes smoothly according to our tight schedule, stood along them, with my camera phone ready.

There has been a few false alarm already, but we all knew that this time it's for sure.

The glass door shook, the Secret Service starting to get busier. The jet-black car stopped, its door opened. Cameras are rolled already, everyone is murmuring.

Then, pop.

An old man in purple batik shirt came up to the scene.

Shaking hands with all the important ones.

As soon as he got inside, everyone greeted him warmly, which soon replied with a short interview. On how he was ready for the night. On how his theme-line would not stray too far from what he had achieved so far.

And I was left, totally dumbstrucked. Right behind Kania Sutisnawinata's pretty, small-framed figure.

Thank goodness my camera was ready, so that I can continue to wonder at how impressive SBY was in person.

This is why everyone wants to work in TV

2009-06-25T15:57:00.003+07:00

Fifi Aleyda Yahya smiled at me, I caught a glympse of Meutya Hafid checking out her Blackberry Bold, and walked past Dalton Tanonaka as I walked down the stairs.

And the VVIP Green Room (especially reserved for the number one man in our country-yes, the one whose nickname resembles the abbreviation of the capital of East Java) is right next to our office.

I came at the right time.

Lahir di Pesawat

2009-01-04T18:08:00.004+07:00

Gue menghabiskan masa kecil bolak-balik Jakarta-Denpasar-Jakarta lagi dengan pesawat terbang, oleh karena itu, gue merasa memiliki hubungan yang akrab dengan benda yang satu ini. Bahkan kadang gue bilang ke orang-orang kalau gue "lahir di pesawat", sekadar untuk menggambarkan betapa akrabnya gue dengan pesawat (dan bikin orang agak-agak kaget dikit lah, sebelum akhirnya dijelasin maksudnya apa). Berikut ini adalah ide-ide dan pengalaman gue menyangkut pesawat yang, seperti biasa, cukup menarik untuk dibikin daftar.

1. Pertama kali naik pesawat umur 3 bulan. Pergi ke Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Kalau ga salah buat nengokin sodara yang lagi studi di sana. Sampai sekarang nyokap masih simpan foto gue di dalam tempat tidur khusus bayi di pesawat.

2. Terus terang gue kagum banget sama yang namanya pramugari. Who else can manage to get busy, serve lousy passengers, learned how to survive in the wild (which includes drinking snake's blood) and remained good-looking like that? And don't forget that they do it in high heels. Kayanya gue ga akan pernah sanggup.

3. Peristiwa paling memalukan di pesawat adalah ketika gue ngompol pas antri mau keluar dari pesawat. Kalau ga salah umur 5 tahun. Nyokap gw marah-marah,"Bentar lagi kan keluar! Kenapa ga tunggu sampe di luar?"

4. Gue pernah bikin satu pesawat heboh gara-gara mainan Polly Pocket gue (yang kecilnya minta ampun!) jatuh ke lantai dan hilang. Semua pramugari heboh ikut nyariin.

5. Kemarin dalam perjalanan ke Denpasar, gue baru menyadari satu hal. Kaki gue uda bisa nyentuh lantai kalau gue duduk di kursi pesawat. Dulu waktu kecil gw sering bertanya-tanya sendiri, kapan ya kaki gue bisa nyampe ke bawah? Now it does and I felt strangely grateful.

6. Pertama kali naik pesawat sendiri umur 7 tahun. Gara-gara kangen sama nyokap yang uda lebih dulu berangkat ke Denpasar. Harusnya gue berangkat besoknya sama bokap tiri gue, tapi apa boleh buat. Karena ngambeknya uda ga tertahankan (bagi nyokap tiri gue), akhirnya gue go-show aja. Selama di pesawat, gue duduk di sebelah orang Spanyol (judging from the language of the book that she read). Dan di kursi seberang ada bapak-bapak yang ternyata anaknya sekolah di tempat yang sama dengan gue, tapi gue ga kenal. Sebelum perjalanan yang monumental itu, gue emang uda sering liat anak-anak bule yang pergi sendirian tanpa ortunya (ciri khasnya: tampang tegang dan jalan menunduk, di bajunya ada stiker Underage Minor, n biasanya lagi digandeng sama pramugari ^^), n i kinda knew that sooner or later it would happened to me. Karena ortu gue memang sangat menekankan hidup mandiri dan... kayanya seru aja.

7. Pemandangan paling menakjubkan di luar pesawat gw liat waktu umur 6 tahun, pas pesawat mau mendarat di Melbourne, Australia. Di luar sana semuanya putih, dan atap-atap gedung bermunculan dari sesuatu yang tadinya gue kira adalah salju. Ternyata... itu adalah awan n atap-atap gedung itu TEMBUS AWAN!! Entah gedungnya yang tinggi banget atau awannya rendah. Gue merasa udik banget waktu itu, lagipula waktu itu pertama kalinya pergi ke negara bule (baca: negara-negara yang ada saljunya, tapi bukan Jepang atau Cina, dan orang-orangnya bule-bule gitu).

8. Turbulences? itu mah biasa. Gue ga tau berapa kali gue ngalamin turbulences, pokonya sama seringnya dengan naik pesawat itu sendiri. Waktu ke Taipei aja, pesawatnya pernah ketiup angin ke samping. Pokoknya, orang yang trauma naik pesawat cuma karena ngalamin turbulence dua kali itu CUPU BANGET.

9. Soal makanan. Makanan pesawat paling top gue temuin dalam perjalanan Jakarta-Tokyo, airline-nya JAL. Ayam dicincang trus dicampur mayones. Emang aneh, tapi rasanya TOP BANGET. Makanan pesawat paling ga banget adalah apa pun yang diberikan oleh Adam Air -eits tunggu dulu, emang mereka kasih makanan? Selain itu, yang gue dapat di perjalanan kemarin juga ga asik banget (nasi goreng TOK. Ga ada lauk apa pun kecuali bawang goreng. Ga ada rasanya juga). Tumben, padahal gue naksir banget sama kwetiao plus daging bersaos yang biasa mereka kasih.

10. Hantu itu ternyata bisa nyebrang laut dan naik pesawat lho. Jangan tanya bagaimana gue bisa tau soal ini.

11. Suster gue pernah ngambil semua sendok, garpu dan tas di pesawat... dan ketauan waktu tasnya jatuh di bus. Dan semua "barang curian" itu bertebaran di lantai... Pura-pura ga kenal ah.

12. Percaya ga percaya, suatu ketika dalam perjalanan menuju Balikpapan, pas mesin pesawatnya baru dinyalain... kecoa berhamburan keluar dari berbagai tempat di dalem kabin!! Gue rasanya ga perlu nyebutin airline mana yang pesawatnya jorok begini sampai penuh kecoa ^^;

13. Waktu kecil, masalah mainan yang dibagiin di pesawat penting banget buat gue. Kalau di pesawat-pesawat luar kayak JAL dan Qantas, mereka bahkan punya majalah sendiri, khusus buat anak-anak. Tapi gue sempet kesel sama Garuda karena cuma kasih buku cerita rakyat plus mainan halma :D tapi tempat makanan anak-anaknya top banget. Bentuknya kayak tas, warnanya biru telor asin, n dapet puding plus pesawat-pesawatan. Gue suka iri sama adik gue kalau misalnya dia dikasih tempat makanan itu sementara gue ga karena uda ketuaan.

Ah, pesawat. Mereka emang seru banget.

Katanya...

2008-12-27T07:30:00.003+07:00

Apa? Bikinin teh?

Ya bikin sendiri sana!

Kenapa orang lain yg musti repot? 'kan dari kecil kita selalu diajarin untuk mandiri......

.......kenapa setelah jadi kepala keluarga malah jadi manja? Teh aja harus dibuatin orang lain?

Katanya laki-laki itu kuat...

Kalau emang iya mereka kuat, kenapa untuk bikin teh aja musti istrinya?

Segitu susahnya ya buat berdiri dari sofa? Apa? Ga sanggup?

ckckckckckckck

Kenapa ya?

Hmmmm

Tanya kenapa!

*first attempt at feminist literary

The Matilda's Top 10 Greatest Album of All Time

2008-12-22T19:29:00.003+07:00

I have always waited for someone (anyone!) to ask me this question, but nobody actually did. Sad. Maybe because nobody trusted my musical taste, or even my knowledge. Pathetic.

So I took the liberty to browse my memory and wrote down ten of the best album I have ever heard in my lifetime.

Anyway, number does not matter. They are all great.

1. KoRn -Issues
Many people curse KoRn for being slightly melodic, but I don't. In fact, I curtseyed and compliment them for it. And don't forget that it was the album that I used to listen in the darkest period of my life. So everything's just fell into the right place.

2. red hot chili peppers -BloodSugarSexMagik
The most powerful album. Something that will make you jump around in ecstasy the minute you turn it on, then sit down and grief for your lonely, city life.

3. Aerosmith -Nine Lives
It's like Mozart for rock. Need to say more?

4. A Perfect Circle -Mer de Noms
It was the only album I have ever bought w/out actually listen to any of the single first. We can say, I was gambling w/ my money when I bought it... but I never regret it. Even now as I wrote this posting, I'm listening to 3 Libras.

5. Nelly Furtado -Whoa Nelly!
I think she should definitely return to her hip-hop/bossas/pop/Portuguese root. A very colorful album that shall take you this beautiful villa somewhere in Greece, watching the Mediteranian morning.

6. Ayumi Hamasaki -memorial address
The piano, the melancholy. The beauty. And suddenly your cheek is wet w/ tears.

7. Mocca -My Diary
It's like reading an old storybook from your childhood.

8. Utada Hikaru -Deep River
Everytime I listened to this album, I could picturize Watanuki in an empty Japanese-style room, slowly opening the sliding door, revealing anything that was about to come.

9. MALIQ n d'essentials -1st
If I had to go to an exchange program again and had to bring gifts for the host-family, I would definitely bring this album. I'm proud that the local music industry got them.

10.

?

??

?!!!!

Ok, you got it right. I haven't found number 10 just yet ^^

So, all of you great musicians out there... go make something great to listen to!

Clowning Around

2008-12-15T09:46:00.004+07:00

The Western people's portrayal of a clown is always consists of a man w/ curly, rainbow-colored hair, baggy clothes, and most importantly, red nose.

(I don't think I need to post any picture of a clown here. It's your loss if you've never seen a clown in your lifetime)

While Chinese clowns had white nose instead.

See the difference?

It's kinda strange as white is the 'bad-luck' color for Chinese. Kan qi lai, it's because clown are believed to have these evil, cunning traits on their personality, no matter how funny they are.

Honestly, I always thought they're kinda scary. Wonder why they showed up at every kids' birthday parties.

Random... Who wants Random?

2008-12-14T21:28:00.004+07:00

The dog had just chase another neighbor, stepdad is being asocial as usual, and I'm being left alone in the living room, in front of the computer, being... random. Filling the night w/ thoughts, messy, random ones, though still enjoyable (if not being meaningless at all).

Damn, I was supposed to finish this assignment (assignment? referring to your final exam as an assignment was like comparing Celine Dion's voice to Tukul's) but I had no idea at all. What to write, how to write, how to arrange. This one supposed to be fun. I mean, this is the only moment in my life where I got to direct a Beijing Opera. But still... argh...

Anyway, I just want the world to know that I think I have become a fan of this certain actor... it might be surprising for many of you... but really, I think I began to like this guy. He's kinda cute, and now that I think of it, he's pretty talented. He's actually able to portray different kind of characters, it turned out that. I thought he was a queer at once (when I saw him acting as a pathetic dancing twin brother in High School Musical), but then I watched Adventures of Food Boy and completely changed my mind.

Yes, it's Lucas Grabeel.

Isn't he cute? W/ that Ginji Amano-ish aura on him. Oh, I love weird guys. Those kind who usually end up being number 2 (or 132), and is considered as a geek, or freak. They're hot, cuz they're just so different than your usual handsome guys (I guess Astari's going to slap me when she reads this). And since no one actually praise them for their look, they had more focus on developing the other parts of their personality -their talents, their brain, their social skills.

Anyway, talking about weird guys... I started to dream about my first boyfriend again. Esp. since now I had him in my Facebook, and he wrote something on my Wall... I hate being attached to the past. And always said that it's lame to be unable to get over your ex. But when it comes to him... why, I've gotten over him years ago, but his shadows appeared again, and I'm becoming a pathetic person for fantasizing about him?

Tough.

A Conversation

2008-12-02T20:47:00.003+07:00

I was on the way to campus this morning, riding in the overcrowded train, when I accidentally listened to this conversation.

"Ngapain sih 'ntu anak pake sekolah tinggi-tinggi... jadi orang yang penting siap kerja..."

An old man sitting in front of me was talking about his son's or nephew's future. And he suddenly said something even more interesting.

"Liat 'ntu Presiden Amerika yang baru. Sekolahnya aja 'kan dulu di Menteng! Iya, anak Menteng dia! Tapi nyatanye bisa toh jadi Presiden Amerika."

I guess somebody should tell this old man that Barrack Obama continued his study in Harvard after he went to that Menteng school.

Are you a Feminist?

2008-08-11T11:49:00.003+07:00

Deep inside my vivid imagination I could picturize myself getting involved in a fiery discussion, with the mentioned question above as the topic of the discussion.

And my answer would be "No, I'm not a feminist."

(Surprised? Angry? Starting to condemn me? Wait, hold on)

"Though I'm a loyal supporter of feminist ideas. Yet on a more personal level, I consider myself a 'meritocrat', if such word exist in the dictionary.

"I prefer to judge a person based on their quality and ability, not based on their sexual, racial, or age background. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, green, man, woman, or anything we never heard of, if you got what it takes, then go for it. People Power, not Girl Power. 'cuz I found that the biggest mistake a feminist made is to put women inside a box on a lop-sided scale, and repeat the injustice that they once tried to eliminate.

"Take an example of the women quota policy. Yes, the policy has a good intention; the encourage women participation in politics, and to gave them the time and place to do so. Yet by giving 30% of seat in the parliament especially reserved for women, then we are cutting of the 'jatah' for those potencial, competent men out there who could actually do many great things, but does not have the chance to do so, just because they don't have a uterus. We tried to eliminate discriminations, but end up creating a new one. Beside, are we women really that weak that we actually need a 'special help' just to have a seat in the parliament? I don't think so. History had proven to us that many of the strongest women in politics (e.g. Margaret Thatcher, Benazir Bhutto) did not enter politics due to the help of a quota. I even found that the existence of such quota is degrading for women, as it was based on the assumption that we are so behind that we actually need to be lifted in a 'carrier' just to walk and have a sit in the House."

(Pause. Taking a deep breath in the middle of a hot debate)

"I could never deny how Feminism had gave such a great contribution in my life. Let's just say that, without it, I'm nothing. I consider people like R.A Kartini as a hero, and loved the ideas that Begum Rokeya S. portrayed in Sultana's Dream. But I prefer to get back to basic. When feminism first got started, our intention was to eliminate discrimination, and to promote equality. If there is a woman who is capable enough to be the head of our faculty, then let her be. But if there is a man who had even better qualification, then let him do it instead of her. Don't give it away to a women just because you want to promote Girl Power, and let this amazing, highly qualified person be left behind, just because he is not a woman. Meritocracy is the spirit of Feminism, and I chose to live in the spirit instead of the label."

Hm. Whoa. Now, who am I going to call to have such interesting talks?

Stepfather Syndrome

2008-07-12T20:43:00.003+07:00

Throughout the centuries, as far as history goes, in every corner of the world, people always talked about how cruel a stepmother could be(think of stories like Cinderella and Bawang Putih-Bawang Merah).

Well, I think they have missed something.

They forgot that stepfathers, when necessary, could become even MORE evil than stepmothers could.

First they treated you really nicely, buying you candies, acting as if they are even better than your biological father. Then they married your mother and things started to went down hill... and he became this monstrous being, standing up high with these 'mysoginist' sign held up high behind their heads.

Penat

2008-06-02T07:53:00.004+07:00

Belakangan ini banyak hal yang mengganggu pikiran saya, berputar-putar di atas sana, mencuri perhatian, memancing emosi.

Beberapa hanya merupakan sesuatu yang saya lihat di TV. Kaum fundamentalis arogan, mahasiswa sok jago, penyanyi dangdut kurang pendidikan. Tapi yang satu begitu dekat dengan dunia nyata saya, hadir dalam bentuk yang praktikal, dan memaksa saya untuk ikut atau tidak ikut.

Bermula dari keputusan teman-teman saya untuk 'menukar arah' suatu tugas kuliah yang seharusnya merupakan tugas individual menjadi sebuah tugas kelompok tanpa sepengetahuan dosen yang memberi tugas. Alasannya supaya lebih mudah, padahal tanpa begitu pun tugas tersebut sudah begitu mudah. Pertanyaannya mendasar, semua topiknya sudah didiskusikan di kelas, bahkan semua jawaban dapat ditemukan di catatan kuliah dan fotokopian yang sudah diberikan. take home test pula. Kurang mudah apa lagi?

Tapi entah bagaimana teman-teman saya memutuskan akan lebih mudah lagi ('lebih mudah lagi'? Kalau mau cari yang mudah saja, ya balik aja ke TK sana!) jika tugas ini dikerjakan beramai-ramai. Kelompok si A kerjain nomor satu, kelompok si B kerjain nomor tujuh. Terus jawabannya ditukar lewat USB n di-copy ke komputer masing-masing. Dikumpulkan sebagai tugas individu, beres!

Tapi buat saya urusannya tidak semudah itu.

Pertama dari faktor 'kemudahan' itu sendiri, yang sudah saya buktikan dengan berhasil menjawab tiga nomor dalam semalam saja, tanpa harus rame-rame kayak orang nonton bola.

Kedua dari faktor kepercayaan. Mungkin saya terlalu cupu. Tetapi ketika sang dosen telah memberikan kepercayaaan pada mahasiswanya untuk mengerjakan suatu tugas, tapi kemudian kita melakukan violasi terhadap kepercayaan tersebut hanya karena rasa malas susah itu, rasanya besok-besok tidak usah memuji dan mengagungkan dosen favorit kita ini lagi deh. Karena buktinya kita tidak benar-benar menghormati dia. Hanya sekadar menganggap dia cool karena masih muda. Sekadar reminder, perasaan baru kemarin ya kita kena marah dia?

Terakhir, yang membuat saya gelisah setengah mati dari dulu, seburuk ini ya etos kerja orang Indonesia? tidak berani gerak kalau tidak ada temannya. Tidak berani menjawab kalau belum yakin jawaban temannya juga sama. Semuanya yang penting ngumpul, bahkan untuk sekadar mengerjakan sesuatu yang sangat mudah yang harusnya dikerjakan sendiri. Saya tinggal mikir untuk soal nomor lima, nomor yang lain biar jawabannya dari teman-teman. Lalu tugas dikumpulkan atas nama saya. Pantas ya kita dapat gelas surga pembajak! Karena mahasiswa UI pun mentalnya masih contek-contekan!

Sampai sekarang kepala saya masih penat. Di sisi lain saya yakin akan keputusan saya. Tapi saya pun takut dianggap sok jago, sok idealis, sok pintar. Saya benar-benar bingung. Saya takut kalau saya cerita soal ini ke orang-orang, seperti biasa saya hanya akan mendapat cap sebagai pribadi anti-sosial. Terlepas dari selemah apa pun lingkungan sosial saya itu.

Kesurupan

2008-05-25T12:06:00.004+07:00

What I am going to tell you next is going to be very irrational, superstitious, yet it is something that I witnessed with my very own eyes -and yes, unlike Descartes, I still believe that something I perceived with my own senses is still somewhat reliable.

Ma was just returning from work when she found something strange in one of our maid. She just sat in the corner of our kitchen, with her hands covering her face, and refuse to made eye contact when we talk to her. Then suddenly she went mad... kiciking and punching everyone, until she was literally rolling on the floor.

My mind refused to admit it, and my eyes just would not believe it, but I have seen someone being possessed. Or in our terms, kesurupan.

The next thing I know, I was struggling to hold her feet so that it would not destroy everything in the kitchen (knives and scissors are being put as far as possible). And two ustadz came and the whole security in the neighborhood came just to held her and try to made her conscious. Or in other words, trying to get rid of the evil being inside.

An exorcism was performed, and during the processed I have seen how the evil spirit refused to left her body, saying that it came from 'far away' and even once asked for a cup of coffee(!!).

In the end, the spirit was successfully being thrown away and my maid returned to herself, alive and healthy (She claimed that that afternoon she saw this huge man approached her and cannot remember anything since). And I was left felling weak ad exhausted, and surprised and shock for what I have just experienced (I especially fear the whole idea of the spirit still exist somewhere and might go for a second try, and there are lotsa stories about the evil spirit 'move' to another victim, and being possessed became somewhat a spreading disease, and evil spirits are the equal of viruses).

It feels funny to experienced such things after reading Tan Malaka's materialism theories.

Mencari Sosok

2008-04-23T20:09:00.004+07:00

Setiap hari aku berdiri di depan rak buku itu, menatap, dengan pikiran menari liar, mencari, apa pun yang bisa diketahui. Dan mungkin juga dipegang.

Setiap saat mata memandang, ke suatu horizon yang penuh warna, di suatu titik sekian mil jauhnya dari Jakarta. Jiwa rock 'n roll selalu tergelitik, ingin menjadi penulis beatnik, dan mungkin melakukan sesuatu yang cantik.

Setiap kali kulihat wajah, kuteliti setiap detailnya, kuselami setiap beluk auranya, berusaha mencari sosok apa pun yang ada disana. Berusaha mendapat sesuatu untuk dipegang, mungkin juga untuk dijalankan.

2008-04-23T20:05:00.003+07:00

Jangan bicara karena aku bicara
Jangan marah karena aku marah
Jangan bergerak! Kini giliranku bergerak
Bumi sudah terlalu basah oleh airmata
Karena itu menyingkirlah dan biarkan kami bekerja

*dedicated to SLANK for their unsung heroic attempts, slightly invisible yet real. Like the pain they felt.

Best Arguments Remembered

2008-04-02T16:36:00.004+07:00

"...Menurut saya, Bu, kita ga bisa bilang suatu ideologi sebagai ideologi yang salah, karena saya percaya ga ada ideologi yang salah. Yang salah adalah manifestasi dari ideologi itu. Contohnya Komunisme. Pada saat ide itu pertama kali diciptakan, tujuannya baik: ingin menolong kaum proletar, ingin mewujudkan kesetaraan. Tapi pada prakteknya, karena cara-cara yang digunakan para kader Komunis itu banyak yang 'salah', seperti menggunakan kekerasan dan membungkam hak berekspresi orang, makanya kita jadi memandang Komunisme sebagai ideologi yang 'salah'. Hal yang sama juga terjadi pada Islam. Ga ada yang salah dgn agama Islam kan? Tapi karena banyak umat Islam menggunakan cara keras untuk mewujudkan Syariah, akhirnya orang jadi punya persepsi buruk tentang Islam. Apalagi kalo mengingat bahwa dalam level filosofis, konsep benar-salah betul-betul menjadi sesuatu yang relatif..."

Was said on a Philosophy class with Madam M a year ago. I still considered it one of the best things I ever said. Well. At least I thought so.

I Think, Therefore I Got Dizzy

2008-03-21T18:34:00.004+07:00

I have been given this interesting yet tiring assignment of writing a paper about any modern philosophers of our choice, and I chose to write about Rene Descartes (1596-1650). Let's just say that he is my favorite philosopher. I really like lots of his ideas, and I found that many are relatively easy to understand and write about. And he is famous, so I bet there are lots of sources on his works that I could find easily. So I did, and by far I did not have any serious difficulties on doing it.

Until I have to write down the part of his mathematical works.

the Cartesian diagram.

And when I checked out Wikipedia to get some clearer info on what's going on, I could only curse myself for forgetting the fact that I was, and still, a ******* when it comes to math.

Hold a sec... Take a deep breath. It is not supposed to so difficult. Try to read it one by one, perhaps ther is still something that I could dig out of my math lessons' graveyard.

Hm. Ok. Fine, I think I still got it.

Phew.

Anyway, I found this super-cute pic as I was looking for a pic of Descartes.

I became so in awe of Descartes that I actually put a pic of Descartes Lego character on my Friendster account, in that 'Who I want to meet' part (http://profiles.friendster.com/menurmaulani). Just for fun.

I think I am going to be sick of that name by the time the weekend ended. For now, I had to rush to finish this paper in three days.

Menur's Chicken Kung Pao

2008-02-22T15:11:00.001+07:00

Later these days I have been very attracted at this new hobby of mine: cooking. Along the way, I have discovered some interesting recipes to try, and I have. And the result? not disappointing. In fact, deeply satisfying.

Chicken Kung Pao

-Cut 250gm of chicken breast into bit size pieces (here's a cheat: use chicken fillets), marinate with a mixture of 1 tsp of sesame oil, 1 tsp soy sauce, 1/2 tsp sugar, and 1 tsp cornflour. Keep in the refrigator for hours.

-Fry chicken until golden brown in 1 1/4 tbsp of cooking oil (health suggestion: use canola oil)

-Add 5gm of dried chili (do not forget to dip them in water first), 2 stalks of spring onions cut to finger-sized pieces, and add 6 tbsp of Tai Hua sauce (yes, it is cheating to use instant sauce. But believe me, it does make life and cooking easier). Stir fry quickly until, well, your instinct somehow told you that it is enough (Ma's tips: add a cup of water if it shows signs of being overcooked)

-Dish out onto plate, garnish with fried cashew nuts. Enjoy!

Some might think it's a bit odd for me to talk about recipes. But hey, I love it! You might think that I did this cuz I have found a boyfriend and that I'm preparing myself to become a housewife, but no, I did cuz I like it

*recipes modified from the one in the packaging of Tai Hua Kung Pao sauce. Not that I've been paid by them or anything 0_0

**for more infos on the italic sentence on the last paragraph, go check my Post 'sebuah jawaban'

fictional and inspirational

2008-01-18T19:49:00.001+07:00

I wrote this one back when I was in High School. By the time, even until today, I was so amazed by this character of the manga series Samurai Deeper Kyo, and decided to write something that might captured his essential characteristics that made him special and inspirational. Go check it out.

100% Akira!
Scene 1: Shiseiten no Akira, battling hardly w/ Goyosei no Saisei

Bontenmaru: This is going to be difficult. Yet I'm sure, Akira could handle this. He is a samurai. A great one (smiling confidently)
Kyo: He is
Bontenmaru: You see, he's not a real samurai like you and me. He does not have that blood. He's not a samurai descendant.
Kyo: Yet he's able to catch up w/ that

Scene 2: Akira trapped Saisei in his castle of ice

Yuuya: Then how could he become so strong like this?
Bontenmaru: You see, Yuuya-san, to become a samurai, one needs 99% effort and 1% blood. Talent. One cannot become a samurai w/out both of it. As for Akira, he surely didn't have that 1%, yet he became a samurai. A complete, ideal, real samurai...
Yuuya: (grew more curious)how come, then?
Bontenmaru:(smiling proudly) by fulfilling the remaining 99%...
Yuuya:(amazed) he did??
Bontenmaru: Yes! He is a man of effort, indeed, and that enough to fill the remaining 1%.... especially since his aura and inner strength grew.....he is a self-made man, indeed.......
Yuuya: Akira......

Scene 3: Akira kneeled himself, giving a last respect for defeated Saisei

Bontenmaru: He did it all by effort......endless hard works and struggles......and that made him stronger than he could even ever expected.....he is a samurai......

loves it! by the way, he's the youngest in the pic

City Girl

2008-01-11T16:09:00.001+07:00

And she thought modern life was rubbish
Where you bound her feet with high heel shoes
And distract her vision with bright television screen

But then she walked out of Zara
Happily atached her mobile to her ear
indulging herself in a cup of bitter coffee

Life could not be more ironic for a girl

Dreamy

2008-01-11T16:07:00.000+07:00

my freedom leaked like gasoline out of tank/as my head dreamily thought of your chest/where I lay my head gently, with closed eyes/counting your heartbeat, mimicking a childhood long gone

And I so wanted to become a writer

2008-01-11T15:59:00.000+07:00

I dream of scribbles and papers/of travels and people/of busy thoughts and strong points/of words beautifully crafted, of stories beautifully told/of banyan trees that infiltrated the mind/of explosion that rocked the world

A Busy Mind

2008-01-11T15:57:00.000+07:00

And her train of thoughts were filled with caramel-coated images running around with a bag of laughter, pushing bitter-tasted worries away

Mingling with whatever the fresh morning air had brought today

Midnight Wounds

2008-01-11T15:55:00.000+07:00

The constant cravings in the midnight was like
Blood that burst out of a wound

Painfully staking
Recklessly awaits

Pushing me to fill the night with scribbles
Anticipating

just a tought

2007-11-15T21:04:00.000+07:00

My best friend used to major in Physics, therefore he refer himself as "The Scientist" in his Friendster account.

But lately he changed his major into Law, and I just suggested him to change the Firendster's name into "The Lawyer", to make it more suitable.

Now it got me thinking.

What am I supposed to call myself, based on my major?

Um...

The Chinese?

Say something

2007-11-15T20:56:00.000+07:00

Oh wow.

it has long, long time since last time I actually remember that i have a blog.

Things I Never Got to Realize Before

2007-09-13T09:05:00.000+07:00

The more responsibility you try to put in your hand, the stronger the tendency for you to be considered as 'indecisive'.

The higher you see yourself, the deeper you are going to fall. In the valley and in other people's percepetion.

The higher I fly, the more I realize that the best place is home.

The more I involved in this debating community, the more I realize that there is actually life outside debating (though Bong is a really nice coach).

another japanese

2007-09-06T21:17:00.001+07:00

Wat Will B The Name Of The Guy U Marry?

Aoi
your gonna marry that foreign guy. You know the one you have your eyes on all the time. You know you want him!!

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

wah siapa sangka

2007-09-06T21:08:00.001+07:00

Which

Ross
You've had your heart broken a lot before and are very nervous around girls/guys. Inside you are a really nice, smart guy though!

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

friend test

2007-09-01T22:57:00.000+07:00

Create your own Friend Test here

before anyone get mad

2007-08-26T12:19:00.000+07:00

Ok, before anyone missunderstood my previous post, I need to clarify a few things.

When I say that "religion can only help you as much as you let it to", what I mean is that "religion can help you indeed, but only if you are willing enough to open your heart and implicate the teachings in you actual life". It would be like, you manifest the teachings in your actual life, instead of focusing on the more ritualistic sides. Yes, rituals are indeed important. But it is kinda useless if you do shalat and go to church, but afterward still call your maid bangsat instead of their names (yes, they are indeed uneducated n did many technical mistake, but what makes him, supposedly a respectable engineer and devoted Christian allowed to do so???).

I know it sounds controversial. But on a more personal level, I believe that it would be better not to have a religion but your attitude represents the ones who had it and implicate it, rather than having it but acts as if not having it.

not all happy sunday

2007-08-26T12:15:00.000+07:00

Here is the only thing I dislike about Sundays.

And that is seeing your family members returning home from church, looking even more sour than ever. Then followed with little moanings, complaining about this and that, et cetera.

Perhaps this is why some people became agnostics or even atheist. For religion can only help you as much as you let it to.

after a while

2007-08-19T15:47:00.000+07:00

Oh, wow.

It seems like it has been (quite) long since the last time I put something in this blog.

Yea yea, forgive my schedule. Yet things had happened, and many of them are interesting one. Now I just continue to follow my schedules and see where my life is leading me....

So far it has took me to a preparation towards WUDC 2008 :D

And now I began to grieve for myself. Really badly

2007-06-26T21:06:00.000+07:00

Sitting in a wooden chair in the clinic's lounge, facing a scene from a cheesy soap opera by the TV. With him as my company, and an old Chinese couple and an angry-faced Chinese man on the other side.

I coughed violently, and he pat my back to ease my pain. Gently, yet for a while, it kind of shocked me. For it has been a while since the last time I feel something that warm; something that deeply touched my heart, made me feel secure and warm.

This is where i realize that I had such a pathetic condition. I spent my day and had dinner in his house, with his family. It was fun, i had such a great time. But it also wrecked my heart, knowing that I never had such moment in my own house for such a long time. Dinner time had been cold, and mom's face had always as sad as grey foggy air of Puncak. No converstaion involved, so don't even think of laughter and jokes.

And the pain that I always had within myself ever since I was kid had only worsen; I always thought that my family is not normal as a kid, regarding the fact that I always have to share my life with my mother and my father at different places. And who else had to spend their teenage years trying to esacape from their own father, for fear of his madness that occured everytime he got high??

I have realize that those facts are the reality that i have to face -a twist of fate that I have to deal with and accept as my life. But pain never been this real. I have been hurt so many times that I thought I could never feel pain anymore, but it turns out they would always been there.

I have been 'sober' for a while -being free of danger and living my life in total freedom. And I am indeed an optimistic person, and indeed have a positive outlook in life. yet I also began to feel -though I have thought of it ever since many years ago- that there is a big wound in my life, and just like any other big physical wound, you can try to heal them through surgery and stuff, but the scar would always be there, giving such kind of marks on your skin.

Geez would it never go away?? I crave for peace really badly and wish hard to have a happy and peaceful family. if I cannot have it today, I would like to have it on my own when I got married someday.

I dreamed of having a nice and comfortable home where I am going to have a tranquil life with my spouse. We are going to fill our family with love, laughter, and intellectualism, and my spouse and i are going to collaborate well to make i happen and keep it -there would be no hierarchy of 'daddy works and mommy stays at home'. And I hope that he's going to be a great father -so that my children would not have to experience what I experienced.

But it is hard, for the brutal truth is, I dunno how to get there. I cannot even imagine how does it feel to live together with boh of your parents. It is such a foreign concept to me, and seeing my friends', it made me think that "Geez, it turned out that those ideas are real! as in, really happened".

I know I often said that I rejoice the pain that I had for it made me stronger. That my family-life had given me a base to create a strong personality and attitude. I know and realize that I still feel deeply grateful for what I have, for I still could see the light even out of the darkest tunnel. And that I do not believe in saying those narrow-minded words of "I'm the unluckiest person in the world". Rubbish.

It's just that pain had been real these few days. And I feel that a little cry can do me some good.

There's just to much things down there in the bottle.

T-T

2007-06-21T14:49:00.000+07:00

The thing that I always consider as my nightmare has finally come true.

Just check out my GPA. Three subjects had already shown up their results,and here are what I got:

Chinese language II C-
China on Ming and Qing Dinasty Era B+
English A

Yes. It was as clear as this morning's sky,huh?

I DID NOT PASS CHINESE II

it is the nightmare of every Chinese student, for it is the one that delays your graduation and the one that stops you from getting all the subjects you want. It's just pathetic! Gross! Unbelieveable!

Actually I was optimistic by the beginning of the semester. For I was able to pass all my subjects in the first semster, which is hard, and I already figured out some methods of studying -but it turned out that the result was far from expected anyway. It feels like, even though on the inside I began to feel OK about my studying -I began to find what I like about it and had a good spirit about it, and I began to know how to study in this major- what appears on the outside is just the same.

Yet there was some happy news though. I passed History with an increasing grade, which is nice. And I got the highest score possible for English -yet I do not feel proud or too happy about it. In fact, it's kinda shameful. On a more general level or if I were an English student, it would be fine, but hey, I'M A CHINESE STUDENT. What's the point in having perfect English grade while I don't even pass Chinese II, which is supposedly my main priority? It strengthens the image that I supposedly go to a different major, while it is the image that I actually wish to abolish, FOR I CONSENTUALLY DECIDE TO BE IN THIS PLACE AND THEREFORE I CHOOSE TO STICK HERE.

Phew. Oh well.

I might sound negative for a while, but well... I need to get it off my chest.

If I wish to become negative, there are thousands of easy ways to do so. But I have decided that there's always a brighter side of everything.

I mean, I began getting this thought some time ago. When you have to repeat a certain subject, yes it is indeed shameful and painful and many other sad adjectives you could find. but try to see this way, WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER TO REPEAT BUT THEN IN THE END YOU COULD DEEPLY UNDERSTAND THE SUBJECT, RATHER THAN TO PASS AND GRADUATE IN TIME BUT YOUR UNDERSTANDING IS JUST AVERAGE?? I know that I currently failed this subjects. But by the time I repeat it I am sure that I would have a better and deeper understanding, and I could hopefully pass with a better grade. For once we know our mistakes, then we would know how to fix it.

Painful as it does, but I have to admit that I am the kind of person who needs to fell hard in order to understand the taste of pain. Not nice. Once it happens, I am going to bleed like hell. But after that, I am not going to let myself fail again. This is nice.

And I remember back when I was in junior high, in 7th grade I was ranked the 23rd out of 30 students. And when I moved to 9th grade, I was ranked 3rd out of 30 students.

Development does happen.Been there done that.

Menur's Top10 Favorite Authors

2007-06-19T15:49:00.000+07:00

These are the names whose literary works had gave a strong influence on me, personally or professionally -if i could consider my writing works as 'professional'. Well. Nope. I don't think so, I don't think it's professional as I have not earn anything from it. Hmmmmm. ~~

Oh well. ~~; Go check it out^^

1. Arundhati Roy
2. Roald Dahl
3. Rudyard Kipling
4. Charles Dickens
5. Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
6. Alexander McCall Smith
7. Dee
8. Oka Rusmini
9. Yoshikawa Eiji
10.Louisa May Alcott

no.1 and no.5 is the examples that I am going to bring out if I had to make a presentation on how Indian modern literary works had developed to this extend.
no.1 and no.3 had introduced me to a certain style that I consider as 'the only style that cater to the way I want to write',and no.3 brought stories and explanations that I could never thought of before.
no.2,3,4 and 6 reminded me of values and atmosphere that was once there when I was a kid; and thanks to them, I determined to keep it alived in my writings as well as in my life.
no.7 proved that creativity in using language can go together with grammar correctness, and that 'puisinisasi sains' was not something I dream about; she actually did it!
no.8 brought out a message of feminism and culture that I can deeply related to, and I score 3rd place on National Essay Writing Competition for writing an in-depth comment on her work -still my biggest achievement so far.
And no.9 proved that you can be narrative too on writing historical events. And touches someone's heart.

For these names I gave my deepest respect and salution... and I appreciate every single way they did to touch ones with their works. Even if it just another form of Sunday entertainment

lai, lai!

2007-06-16T18:14:00.000+07:00

wo you liang ge hao pengyou, jiao Fajri he Bing. Fajri zai Jogja xuexi, Bing ye zai Queensland xuexi. xia xingqi, tamen liang ge ren dasuan hui qu Jakarta.wo zhen de zhen de gaoxing!! zai zhe ge wenzhang de xiabian shi Fajri de yangzi^^

bie de shi Bing de

*Oh my God, my Chinese sounds like a kid's. Wo de tian!!

French Fries mood

2007-06-16T17:42:00.000+07:00

I once read in a magazine. it is said that when you suddenly crave for some French fries for snack, it means that you feel this need within yourself to do something for your life. Something good, something that would bring some meanings to a previously dull life.

Right now I am in that kind of mood. From this fundamental needs to be more spiritual (it has been long since last time I talked to Him,there are even some points where i consider myself as an agnostic. That might be true to some extend,but I still think that I am a Believer. And still feels so),this socio-psychological need to be closer to friends and families (is there any terms like that?'socio-psychological needs'?) to this ambitious, go-getter needs to do more applicable and meaningful things in life.

luckily, there are some things that i can possibly do.

I began to learn to pray again. I admit that for a while I was lost. I lost my interests on my faith for there are too many bad things happen on them.....they use it to justify hatred,they use it to justify mysoginist actions. They are hiding behind their long white veil and long goatee and lives as if they are the angels themselves, but curses others as hard as the devil would.
But then as I think again, if I really believe that having a faith and doing its manifestations are one's ultimate personal rights, then why bother about others?? Why does those misinterpreting folks should bother my business with God? as long as I truly believe in what i believe in, I do not think it supposed to be an issue. Beside, there is this thirst of being close to your Creator. No matter how illogical it is. The heart just knows.

as for the other issues, there are many paths that I can go through. I will explain them in my next postings. One thing for sure is that, I know what I supposed to do. Now it is just up to me to make it work.....

Duh. I think I am going to catch some cold.

Was that Astayi sending me an SMS??

The Many Forms of Anisa Menur

2007-06-12T20:34:00.000+07:00

On France I would be Jacqueline Aurell (my fave!)
On ancient Britain I would be Dorothy Raudelle
On Japan I would be Reiko Hayashi
On Ireland I would be Eimear O'Reilly (like it a lot!)
On Italy I would be Annata Ricci (don't really like it)
On Mexico I would be Dona Leahonia
On Germany I would be Innes Corinna (love the Innes)
On Russia I would be Yelizaveta Duscha Ivanov (kewl!)
On Star Wars I would be Anitus Mauson
My unisex name would be Dee Jaime (kewl!)
If I were a hippie I would be Bittersweet (kewl!)
If i were an exotic dancer I would be Virgo (just the way i want it)
If i was born in the 50s I would be Frances Virginia
My boobie name is Breastasaurus (gross!)
On Hawaii I would be Lani Kalea (like it a lot! sounds like a pretty girl)
If i were a monster I would be Basilisk Troll
If i were a superhero I would be The War Avenger
On Scandinavia I would be Swann Brenda (kewl! like it a lot!)
On Brazil i would be Luciana Fontana (it's very telenovela)
As an Elf I would be Buddy Cartwheel (sounds like a beer)

geez, it is very clear that I have a plenty of spare time. Considering the number of quizzes I have taken :D

Projects Ahead

2007-06-03T11:56:00.001+07:00

My upcoming week is going to be fulfilled with some exciting -if not nerve-wracking- projects to be done! Woohoo! it is really exciting for me to have such a full-life, for it gave me things to do and got my mind off unnecessary negative thoughts....and life feels much fuller and better than before, I just cannot believe why anyone would stand sitting at home and do nothing but to watch TV and read books *winks.

So here are the things on my to-do list:

1. History finals

I always consider it as one of the most exciting subjects in my major. though the lecturer was being unclear about what is going to appear on the exams, I was pretty optimistic on doing it. For it was rather different than the other subjects in my major; there are not much thing to memorize by heart, all that matter is that you know and understand the basic substance, make a deep analysis about it, and then make a good explanation about it when you are being asked. I really enjoy these kinds of lessons, where you got to use your analysis and logic most of the time-unfortunately you did not found lot of it in Chinese studies, we got lotsa scribbling to do instead of analysing, and memorizing instead of thinking T_T well, let's just consider it as the bad side of the major.

And this time we will be talking about the changes that happened in China as the Westerners began to enter the country, and on how the system started to change -for a clearer image, just watch the Last Emperor or the Manchurian Candidate. I think what happened during that period is one of the most crucial point in the history of China, and it is the one that changed the face of te country forever, and affecting the current condition and development of China.......and I already a good textbook to help me to study. Sometimes that is all I need to survive an exam; a textbook you can rely on.

2. Intro2Lit Finals

Another finals yet this one was rather different. it is inform of a DRAMA. Noooooooo. I hate having to perform on stage and do some acting. Nooooo. I would rather do some speech or debate. Just don't ask me to act!! I m going to be unable to stop laughing!!!!

So the drama is going to be Sampek Engtay, a Malayan-Chinese classic. And i am going to be Jinsim, Engtay's servant. At first I chose the role because I thought the character had very little to say, but then as I read again, this character was a rather angry one and almost all of her (or his? I am still not clear about the gender of this person!!) words are sarcastic and angry!!!! oh well.......
A nd we are still unclear about the costume issues......is it going to be a classic one or a modern version one?? either way, I am still clueless about what to wear......

Anyway, it is kinda interesting though......to try something new like this.

3. Austral-prep stuffs
I had promised Astari that I am going to help her with those assignments given by Mel for Australs training. I still have not done even one of it though :P hehehehhe but I am going to work on it. 'Cuz I need it as well, even if I only go as an adjudicator.

Well, for such a frantic week, it is going to be fun for sure.......and the happiest news for me is that I have got some reply from my Puppy, and everything is already settled down. It relieves me that he did not forget me and would give a explanation on his condition. And it just made me understand him more and feel close to him........

Oh well, have a nice week to myself

being a pig

2007-06-02T14:29:00.000+07:00

I do not really enjoy imagining the way I look on long weekend like this.

I became a total pig. Totally gross and lazy. While deep in my mind, I worrily think about my Puppy, about why he never contacted anymore, and how he seemed to be really sad in his blog. And how i really wanted to help and do something about it, and be a nice, caring super ex-girlfriend who always had a shoulder for him to cry on (duh. Not literally). And deep down in my agenda, I have to read at least two chapters from Contemporary Chinese history for next week's finals, and started to memorize some lines for THAT drama -that's right, I am going to become Jinsim from Sampek Engtay for my Intro2Lit finals T-T. And physically, I am just the grossest thing you have ever seen since KRL Jakarta-Bogor; it is 14:36 and I have not taken a bath.

Feel my breath!!!!! hahahhahahahhahahaa

Burning Out of It

2007-05-13T21:18:00.000+07:00

Sitting with crossed legs in the study, facing the computer, with the latest maliq&d'essentials' album. It was a quiet Sunday night and my mental condition was pretty dull and bored, until the news hit me........

About what EDS UI had gotten so far in AUDC.

On how the team only need at 1 more winning point to be able to break thru the prelimination round. How Astari, my partner in crime, my debating sister in Musketeers, had just got a super-precious learning experience that I have not experience yet. How Hilmi had moved from a crap debater to a good, international-level one -a bout the 'crap' thingy, it was mentioned by someone else who saw debae before ALSA. How Freida -this is the scariest- managed to become a Top 5 adjudicator and even had trainees under her wings!!!!! and on how, him, he was there too with them and witness and experience the whole thing.................

I can only feel that something is burning inside me.

After chanting a little prayer to wish good luck, suddenly all of these feelings came into me. First, there was some slight jealousy. You know..... how your friends, those who had started everything altogether with you, suddenly now are ahead of you. And you just left behind, sitting quietly in your house, with no development at all in your debating skills, just going round and roound in that level..........

Then another fire sparked. I can sense this rushing feeling inside my heart, and on how my head had gave an order to every single cell in my body -GO!

It was it. It was the golden key named Spirit and Motivation.

You have to move! Don't be left behind! You can do it!

They came exactly at the moment where my laziness and dullness are at their highest point. Shame, shame. How laziness and lack of motivation could actually drown you, makes you unable to move, and in the end, makes you dull and lose the sharpness of your senses. And possibly threatens your IQ. And makes you left behind from your friends.

Shame on you, Menur, for letting it all went thru your head. And congratulations, finally you have got into your mind, managed the whole thing, and kick the devil outta yourself.

And when your final tests over, focus yourself to strengthens for the sake of Australs. And more importantly, PIMNAS.

Studying Chinese really turned me upside down

2007-05-11T18:50:00.000+07:00

I just realized that some things changed since I went to college and took a major in Chinese studies. And one of the most distinct was my fondness of Japan -at some point it has created some troubles of its own, and here, at this point, something had happened to it.

I think my fondness of Japan has began to alter a bit.

I mean, there is this feeling of boredom. The feeling like, "Yeah, been there, done that". The feeling like, even though you know and you feel that something is really great, that something just does not move you that much anymore.

I began to take notice when I started to get lazy to attend any Bunkasai -except for JI Matsuri maybe, they are still the best. When someone told me about a Bunkasai in some places, I would be like,"Oh? really? Yeah". And in my mind I was like,"Another one?". And that question was rather surprising even for myself, which is, wow, something that used to attract me so much now does not attract me as much as it used to! what happened?

I think one of the main reason is that J-stuff has began to become something common. I mean, it seems like every junior high school kids that I met is taking Japanese lessons now. It was a really different situation; when I first started becoming a fan when I was in elementary school, it seems like I was the only person I know who wrote fanfics -at least I thought so, that was until I discover fanfiction.net :P
Take an example of what happened today. Our little neighbour in the East Asian Studies department, the Nihon Gakka, they are making this very big yearly event called Gelar Jepang, and I can mention their list of programs without actually seeing the posters or leaflet (Hm. let's see. Origami, goh, and shoudou workshop. Wearing yukata. Chanoyu. Cosplay. Music. Bazaar, selling anime merchandising and some original copies of manga. Photo exhibition with adorable pics of Nishin Honganji in it.Bon odori. Doujinshi competition). And what enables me to do so? because those are the content of EVERY bunkasai! and every month there are at least one bunkasai, that it has become such a routine and there's nothing new to learn anymore..........

It's not that it's bad. It's just that.................it has become common. I began to get bored.

On the contrary, something about China has grown inside me. I began to feel comfortable listening to the way they speak, I never missed any show in Nat'l Geographic regarding China, and yesterday I had this shiny little talk with Nurni laoshi about Shanghai Baby. I mean, the more I spend time in my classes, the more questions I had in mind about China, and it just made me eager to know more (yue zai jiaoshi zuo yue you hen duo wenti ^^dui ma?).

My ability to speak the language is also decreasing a little bit. But this one was rather crucial though, and I think it is actually necessary to save it before it's too late. And it was justifiable as I do not have the time and moment to actually practice it.........but I remember how it used to create a prob in my first semester, haha........

So, it's not that I do not like Japan anymore. I still reckoned that sashimi is the best thing I have ever eat, Hijikata Toshizo is the greatest hero ever, Kyoto is a piece of heaven that is moved to earth, and that Musashi is one of the best lit works ever (and Samurai Deeper Kyo is the best manga ever, huhu). It's just that................................it has become too common.

besides, in the first place, why did I decided to major in Chinese instead of Japanese? ^^

essences

2007-04-26T14:59:00.000+07:00

I enjoyed the orchestra/though i don't really know how to hold a violin/yet a song or two/on a piano long gone/perhaps some of its traces still left in me

I'm a shade of red upon an embroidered laces/a vintage dress a Parisian wears/combat boot of a punk's feet/a malignant strength in a pretty form

I'm a literal hero/scratch a thing or two/minds are supposed to be mingled/words are supposed to be given

I see how you think/I see how they think/tired of being concious/someone meant to direct them to the right place

I could feel the cat/touching its fur against me/feet tickled, the thoughts flow

19

2007-04-09T21:28:00.000+07:00

You just open your eyes and realize that you are in this such rushing, rainbow-coloured state of mind, and you could do nothing but to be in awe, for the speed of the lights and where the rocket had brought the journey into, it is a manifestation of a surprise long anticipated.

You were a spoiled child, but you are brave, and true to your colours
You were a prodigy, reading things a little kid do not usually read, but you were just shy. And very introvert indeed.
You were a depressed pre-teen, some of your teenage days seems to be drowning in the mud, yet you are optimistic, and sticks to your believe in life, love, and God's will
You were a bird with open wings, ready to fly high though you have hit the walls so often

And now here you are, standing on the beginning of a dream; the brim of a fantasy land

And you could not be more grateful........ for every tears you have shed, every laughter you have blurted out, every love you have received, and return back though not so often, every heartbeats you have felt, every pain your nerves had felt, every single fears, every single smile, every single savior..........

Every single seconds you have got ever since the day you popped out to the world, due to those firecrackers in that Batavian wedding in 1988.

Take a deep breath, chant your prayers. In less than three-hours you would be nineteen years old.

Happy birthday! ^^y

In Awe

2007-04-07T21:29:00.000+07:00

Rememeer my preview on wonderbra's debut album?

Just yesterday I met Thera in a painting exhibition (haha sounds weird but it is true. It was an exhibition by a lecturer in the Philosophy department), and one of the first words she said to me was........

"Hey, thanks for writing about wonderbra yah..."

And I became speechless. Surprised.

For the first time in life, someone actually thanked me for something I wrote. Or in other words, my writings had successfully touched; even if it was the person whom I wrote a review about.

And it still left me in awe today. How strong a writing could be. How strong mine could be.

And it really made me more determined to write more.

Gaining Enemies

2007-03-31T20:27:00.000+07:00

At first I screwed up my best friend's plan of getting a new girlfriend. By simply mentioning his name to his target. Then -it seems like- he is really mad at me that he never texted me again. Or even replied mine.

Then I made a promise to a senior that later on I could not fulfill. I promise to come to help them practice, but I got sick -my stomach is really killing me, even until now.

Two mistakes.

It might not be horrible, but it has something to do with level of trust. Though the first one was due to my cluelessness, and the second one was a force major.

Yet the world is cruel, and no one would care about your reasons.

All that matter is that, you made a mistake.

Damn!

My Saturday Night

2007-03-24T20:43:00.000+07:00

Sitting calmly in front of the laptop, singing mindlessly to Hamasaki Ayumi's M, surfing the Net for fun things to see to.

Oh, great! Some happy news from the mailbox. He, my cute little Puppy which is now far away in Down Under, had finally replied my email. Phew. After a very long waiting, and those nasty suspicion of mine. I replied it happily, feeling this sort of happy, fly away feeling.
Sometimes even I wondered what is actually the relationship between us. We are definitely not a couple, but we are close. And indeed something had happened between us -whatever it is, let it be that only me, him and God who knows it. And my mother, cuz I cannot have secrets from her. But for me, I prefer to stay best friends for this moment. I mean, even if we made a commitment now, it would be impossible to manifest......as I am not into LDR anymore, they are just so painful and tiring. And I already into this other guy, and perhaps he is also into someone, heard some gossip or two......... So a "comeback" is just not happening at this certain moment.

Yet fun things does not always lasts.......as I realized that studying is on my list of To-Do things for tomorrow. Considering that my mid-term tests are next week, with English as an opening, Xie for the next day (great, around 420 Hanzi characters to memorize!!),then Shuo (pretty fun, we just have to make a Biao Yan, and I feel more confident about my speaking), then Ting and Du (pretty worrying, requires lotsa bending). Then closed with Chinese Phonetics and Phonology (gotta work hard on this! I want an at least B-!!!). Things are still unclear with History and Introduction to Literary.....yeah, Menur, go! fight for a better IP!!!

Geez, this song from wonderbra is really creepy.......

Anyway, what is the book that I'm reading now? It is very shameful to admit, but the truth is, I still have tons of book that I have not read, even though I have bought them. And they just sit patiently on my desk, waiting to be opened -sometimes I managed to pay attention to them and read a page or two, but it just does not happen that often. Like right now I have Dr. Gadis Arivia's piece of work, Feminisme: Sebuah Kata Hati, sitting beside me. It is definitely a magnificent thing to read, and I have been waiting for so long to have it -even Wijay had already made a reservation to read it after I finished it. But it seems like it would not happen anytime soon, hiks.

Ah, this is my favorite love song...Secret Sorrow by Koizumi Kohei......it's damn romantic! I used to think of my beloved Sakurazuka Seishirou everytime I heard this song (and an apartment in Tokyo. And a rainy saturay night. Hm! hen re!) , but now, I think I began to need more then an anime character to manifest this whole romantic feeling.........

I began to think of him..........

I had some certain fantasy on how I might see him one day in the future. Where in that moment I already become an international journalist, working in Reuters and travel to places. And he already become that successfull financial analist he really wanted to be, working in MNC, got a great career. And tons of money, hmmmm. And I bet he is even more handsome.
And one day he is having a holiday in Barbados -those hectic days of his career can be really tiring. And in a fine morning he would be having a stroll by the beach, watching the waves, listening to the sound of birds, feeling the morning sun. He would wear casual clothes and put his hands inside his pockes, as usual. And there we met, and chat, about our college days....... and it ended up with the most romantic night of my life.......

Hohohohohohohoh. Dreams

I dunno know why, but it really fits the song I am currently listening to.

Mimpi, by Anggun.

Duh.

A Quick Preview: wonderbra's Crossing the Railroad

2007-03-22T18:31:00.000+07:00

It is kinda hard for me to write this preview as I had to struggle with this feeling of i-know-this-person-she-is-my-friend-so-she-is-great. But I will try my best to make this preview as honest, and as objective as I could.

So this is an indie debut album of wonderbra, a band consisted of Asep Gelo (bass), Edy Sembodo (drums), Kuyut, Nosa (guitars), and Thera (vocals) -this is where the prob started as she was my senior in Labschool High and School of Humanities, and a familliar face in Labs' Debating Corps. They are basically a rock band, and any of you who went to School of Humanities, i bet you are already familliar with them.

So the music that they are bringing is........ROCK. Total rock! it has been long since the last time i heard something like this -I mean, our music industry is so crammed with these soppy rock-wannabe pop band with handsome singer (except for Ian Kasela, he's handsome for a fly with that sunglasses) who sometimes sings a religious song or two, thinking that religion is a good way to sell, bah!

I mean, the kind of rock that they are bringing has a kind of 'vintage' feeling in my ear. If you want a parrarell example, think of The Doors and any other band in that era. The style of rock is pure, without any mixture from other genre, which often led to the losing of this whole feeling of rock itself. And it definitely made me dance, and for those who are not into hard music, it is still listenable, I think. So no need to freak out.

And the coolest thing of all is the voice of the leading lady (hidup alumni Labschool! Yeah! hidup coach LDC! Huhu!). it is just AMAZING!!! at first she might sound like a man, but as you listen to it more, it sounds really unique; deep, really misterious... but in the other hand it also "screams". And is technically proper, I think.

The only thing that I have to warn you about is the content of the lyrics. They are dark and potentially depressing, so I recommend you not to take it by heart -could affect your mood, or even your whole point of view of life. And definitely not to listen to when you are stressed out. And I do not think that was Thera's best work of literary -sorry sis'- since I often visit her blog and read her magnificent lit works.

In the end, I think this album is definitely worth it. I mean, with its great musical content and the spirit behind it -this is an indie, DIY music so there is less commercial intention to it, and imagine the effort they have to made to promote it- this album is an investation (especially if you buy iy directly from the band's member, much cheaper! ^^b). I gave 4 out of 5 stars.

Congrats for wonderbra on their debut album, and now let's sing together

Dig it deeper!

zai Glodok mai dongxi*

2007-03-18T18:03:00.000+07:00

It was a title in a magazine that I read once, an article about how nice the Chinatown is to visit, and maybe to buy things or two. A full guidance on how you can get there, and what you can do while you are there. Very nice and rather complete.

And I finally made a manifestation of it today.

Lunch at a restaurant named Ayam Panggang Medan in Pangsia. Delicious! I recommend you to try Lo Mie Kangkung, it's just unbelieveable! it is kinda strange as the soup tasted like something I have eaten in Taiwan a year ago... bringing back old memories. And I believe it was a good sign, which means that whoever made this dish, he/she still stick to the original recipee. Yum. The ayam panggang was also good, but the sauce was too hot -zhen re!

And off course shopping. But unfortunately it was not conducted in the area itself. It was in Mangga Dua. I bought a piece of T-shirt with a Starbucks Coffee logo on it, and Get Backers DVD -50 episodes in 2 discs!! divine!

Honestly my brief visit was not really satisfying, considering the fact that I only get to eat and one place then leave (too bad!). But I remember the Taifu promised to take me there, to have a look around, and get that certain mood that he believed could build up my mood for my studies (great, more Hanzi). Maybe another visit would be worth it.

Yet I rejoice the rain that showers the city today.....

I thought I was in Ura Shinjuku or something

*in case you don't speak Mandarin, it's "shopping in Glodok"

Being the shining light he is...

2007-03-18T17:37:00.000+07:00

He shines so brightly, sometimes I had to cover my eyes with my hand to prevent the light from blinding me. And yes, it is painful sometimes. Yet there are days when my sights blissfully enjoy the view infront of me, the God-made marvel in form of a young man.

He was a rainbow, a prince gladfully opened up is arm and smile and say what is on his mind. Or he was a pile of polutionless snow, gathering outside the window on a cold Christmas Eve. A silent coldness that keeps you attracted to, a dance of a fairy. A dream too livid to be called one.

I grieve in my condition, being the humble girl that I am, trying to catch something ahead of me... Yet love does not supposed to make you weak. To love someone should make yourself stronger, standing firmly on your own two feet.

But it was not his fault... it was my own insecurities to deal with, my own issues to struggle in...

And yes I do have low self-esteem. On facing a person with great lights. On facing the person I adore, so much that I cannot even speak properly... (and looked stupid. And screwed things up. And felt even worse)

It pains the heart to see him, laughing happily with other girls... and it is just never happened to me, only in some brief, able-to-be-counted-in-one-hand amount of moments... for he does not know me that much yet... or it was me who was too reluctant to let him know my true colours... (it felt horrible)

The tremblings of the hands, the reluctant of one self, the freezing and mispelling of the tongue... they are meant to deal with, a struggle being carried on by a simple girl, trying hard to achieve great things. She is only trying to know her own self, and maybe to have hope or two...

For in her weakness ad fears and pain, she is indeed trying...

Catching the glimpse of the lights she longed for...

kucing makan Taro sambil iseng

2007-03-04T22:22:00.000+07:00

Sambil nunggu dijemput, iseng-iseng gw duduk di gedung Fakultas Psikologi. Dan karena iseng pula, gw beli sebungkus Taro di Alfamart, buat dicemil.

Sambil iseng juga gw bangunin kucing yang lagi tidur di pajangan aneh berbentuk akar pohon di lobi. Dan mungkin karena iseng, si kucing ikutin gw terus.

Pas gw makan Taro, mungkin bukan karena iseng, si kucing ke pangkuan gw. Minta bagi Taro-nya.

Dan sepanjang sore ini gw duduk santai di kampus orang sambil berbagi Taro dengan seekor kucing. Iseng banget.

pre-AUDC Adjudication Workshop

2007-03-04T22:15:00.000+07:00

After a very difficult struggle to hear what those foreign debaters are actually saying, finally I got the resluts of my adjudication-accreditation simulation. And here it is.

theoritical test: 16/21
Good enough. At least i could understand the basic concepts

verbal test: 1
Trainee. Or in a more brutal way, failed.
Stepping in. Bad scoring method. Failing to point out the weight of the argument.

engingeng.................The actualization is always harder than the theory............

No wonder Ma said i should focus more on my debating instead of my adjudicating -she thought it is not the time yet.

A Decision

2007-02-18T12:57:00.000+07:00

"Are you sure about this?"

The question was popped out by Santi via SMS. She was asking in order to confirm my involvement in the next debating tournament -it was on a pending status since last night.

And my answer was 'yes'. Yes, I'm not going to join the upcoming tournament.

Very unlikely, huh? I know it really doesn't sound like Anisa Menur to actually reconsider her involvement, and in the end, turned down a debating competition. But some things should go on a certain way.

I have decided that for this moment, I would like to focus more on my study -on my Hanzi scribbling, on endless lists of Asiapac books. it was all because of the result of my first semester; it was not bad for a first time, 2.77. But i don't think it was my best result. I mean, the effort was not really that great, I was still in my adaptating process. And most of all, I believe that I can give better than that. I'm pretty optimistic that I can actually reach 3,00. especially since now I'm beginning to adapt, and the subjects are more interesting. and i don't think i can juggle it late night TCs and endless casebuilding, at least for now.

And yes I do have a life outside debating. Sometimes after a month full of TCs and a huge competitons in other town, you're going to get a bit tired. and tired enough to directly continue into another.

and as a person, i think i should also consider the 'want' factor, alongside with the 'should' factor. I mean, later these days, when i'm thinking of doing activities,or planning to join an organization, i did it because i have to, because i need it for my future, for my self-empowerment. But i have forgotten that i did it because i also love this activity, because i actually enjoy this activity. this is a concept that i have forgotten for a while, and now, before it's too late, i want to get back to the most basic reason to do so -because i enjoy it.

Hm.....I remember some words from Nirwan during those hectic FT prep days........

"Those plans for your future, that's good. But don't forget to enjoy yourself. To enjoy every minute you have in this campus......."

Ah seniors. You learn a lot from them.

Hm. wonder why Sony also chose not to join this competition?

Apa coba......

2007-02-18T12:47:00.000+07:00

Pembicaraan berikut ini melibatkan dua orang yang sialnya adalah teman-teman saya

Oknum A: "Tau ga, anak2 ******(menyebutkan nama sebuah sekolah swasta katolik terkemuka di Jakarta yang terkenal dengan murid2nya yang pintar2) itu kan kalo ga cupu, autis, atau pasti homo!
Oknum S (kebetulan lulusan sekolah yang disebut): "Well, gw adalah diagram Venn dari semua hal tersebut...."

Duh ~~;

Korban Patriarkal

2007-02-16T22:07:00.000+07:00

Hari ini iseng2 main ke Labschool, almamater tercinta.

Abis muter2 ga jelas liat2 kesana kemari, tanpa sengaja gw ketemu seseorang yg harusnya ketemunya di Depok, secara kita sekarang sekampus -tapi malah ketemunya di tempat yg begini jauhnya.

Itulah si Amil, temen SMA gw yg sekarang kuliah di psikologi (orangnya eksis banget, tapi emg anaknya seru dan baik. Dan agak2 ajaib).

Baru ngobrol bentar sama si Amil, muncul lagi satu sosok baru, yaitu si......................................................................................................

Oh well.
Gw lupa namanya ^^;

tapi gw kenal banget sama tampangnya, gw tau dia siapa! tapi ya itu dia. entah siapa namanya T_T

dan ternyata dia juga ga inget nama gw kok. Atau dasarnya emang ga pernah inget sama nama asli gw, karena baik dulu maupun tadi, ia memanggil gw dengan nama..............................................

"Heriawan!!"

(sejak kapan gw jadi 'ndut, jabrik, koleksi pisau n pake kaos Weird Al?????)

Oh ya, orang ini dulunya adalah temen segengnya yang bersangkutan. Pas gw baru jadian sama dia, dia hobi banget manggil2 gw dengan sebutan macam "Nyonya Heriawan" dan sebagainya. Dan dia ga pernah manggil gw dengan nama asli gw.

Inikah rasanya menjadi seorang cewek, ketika lo harus kehilangan nama asli lo dan diganti dengan nama suami lo?????

Tapi seru juga sih. Being called with the name of your best-friend-plus-ex-boyfriend-with-lalala-thingy :P

Let me Shower you

2007-02-15T18:18:00.000+07:00

I'm so fond of words!!!

I'm majoring in language and culture studies, i wrote poems and stories and essays, i join a debating club. i texted SMS and talk to people -though i don't usually talk much. basically, my world is filled with the usage of words, and i rejoice it!

I do not just rejoice the fun feeling that it gave to me. but in a deeper way, i rejoice the way it works to empower oneself. yes, i consider words are power. they are the thing powerful enough to transfer one's ideas and thoughts into other's, to become the guidance on what a person should or should not do, or even, to kill someone without the help of a gun.

so the purpose of this blog is to mediate you into whatever coming into my mind, my life, and my works in general. i will show you my opinions,daily life,works, or maybe just plain hahahihi to fill your day with.

therefore, enjoy the rain of words falling toward yourself!!!!!! ^^